Tired of Tinder? So are we

Existing dating apps serve a function but they are simply exhausting. If you are new to dating apps you may like the temporary serotonin buzz of a new match, or enjoy sitting at your desk swiping right on a seemingly endless stream of real and beautiful people. The truth is that for many users the buzz wears off after some weeks or perhaps even after a few days depending on who you are. 

Perhaps Tinder lights a fire and you do hit it off quickly and passionately and that’s okay. That is after all what Tinder was designed to do. If it is working well you may find yourself happily between the sheets with that man or woman of your more immediate dreams.

Now here’s the rub, well the other rub. Is a hookup the beginning of something deep and real? Possibly but likely not. So okay maybe that is all you want. If you are in your mid twenties or older maybe you want more. If you are a guy and that is what you want, then great, but what are your chances? A small percentage of guys, who have what it takes in terms of game along with naturally attractive looks and physique are able to win this hunting activity in a massive disproportion to all the other men. The outcome in terms of Tinder (Bumble, Hinge, whatever) is that the other men get very few matches of this nature. The data on this are in; see the opening chapters of the book Dataclysm for a high level overview.

In fact most men on apps like Tinder (and Tinder is at least 75% male) resort to simply swiping right on about 50% of the females without more than a cursory glance. They simply don’t care much and instead take the ‘deal with it later’ strategy. When they do get a match then they look closer at the profile and try to determine a strategy. The what’s in it for me may turn out to be a hope for a dating type relationship or it might be an assessment of yeah, I’d bang her… or meh, maybe not. 

So now what about the women? Typically the women are not as into a quick hookup as the men are. Not to say there are not always some women wanting this, and this is why a large subset of men are always hunting, but the relative number is much lower. Additionally, it is only a small minority of men who get those matches and the pool of women who want this and who are considered substantially desirable is tiny. 

Another truth is that the women typically swipe right on very few men. With so many more men than women on the app and with such a high percentage of men swiping right, most can get matches all day long. The consequence for women is now to have to deal with jokers who send stupid messages. The management burden is high and some men get nasty if not further responded to after a few messages have gone back and forth. The evidence is easily found all over the internet, search for "tinder gore" on reddit or twitter for instance. This is but one reason that apps like Tinder do not manage to align the interests and incentives of people (men and women) very well other than if they are used with the conscious purpose of finding a hookup. Even that only works well for a tiny minority of men and for the small number of women who are interested.

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